Life with Leukemia

Bringing Life Into a Dead Situation

When I first came home from the hospital after my transplant, I was in a bad state physically, emotionally and mentally. It was the strangest thing ever. During my entire process up to this point I had been upbeat and positive, but after the transplant I slipped into this depression/fog. I remember telling the doctor can you reverse whatever you did so I can get my happiness back?

I had no desire to do anything. I was like a zombie. My friends and family were right there supporting me through it, but it was nothing they could really do. The doctors said it would be a year from transplant before I felt almost back to my normal self. All I could think was “what in the world am I supposed to do while I’m waiting?” A year seems such a long time. I kept wondering Lord why? I even told God that I had a good life, it was ok if He took me now. I would count the hours in the day until it was time to go back to sleep so I wouldn’t have to deal with it.

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I have never dealt with depression in my life up until this point. I have always been a positive and energetic person who took things in stride. So, this was very foreign to me. I wanted to shake it, but it just wouldn’t go away. It’s hard to explain unless you go through it, but it’s like a dark, heavy cloud over you that you feel like you’ll never come out of. My mom reached out to several organizations just to see if they had support groups or someone I could talk to because I was struggling so much. She came across the Cancer Support Center of Indianapolis. We went to a meeting and something just seemed to click that I wasn’t the only one going through what I was going through. There was someone who understood. Further, there were people who had overcome this disease and were living normal lives.

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You see, my faith was being tested because I could not see beyond my current circumstances. I had decided in my mind that I would always be in this disabled state and needed to just get used to life as a disabled person. But that’s not what God had told me. He promised to restore me. I just needed to trust Him. So, I began to activate my faith. It was a gradual process that I had to FIGHT through. Every time a thought of suicide or death came into my mind, I would rebuke it with God has purpose for me or He wouldn’t have allowed me to live. When I had thoughts about how bad my situation was, I had to remember that there are so many people far worse than me.

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As the weeks went along and the chemo started to wear off, I began to start feeling better. I started spending more time with God, reading my Word, listening to worship music. Friends even brought me some crafts and puzzles to do during the day to occupy my time. Two scriptures that really helped me were Romans 8:18 and 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 (full verses below). I decided I would trust God for restoration and while I was waiting, live life to the fullest.  Eventually, it seems like the cloud just seemed to slowly dissipate. I believe that depression is part chemical and part spiritual, but if you are willing to fight through it, you will come out. I am living proof. Because I know there is glory after this, I am looking forward to my future.

Romans 8:18 – For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

2 Corinthians 4:17-18 – For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

MEL-STRONG

comment (15)

  1. T Gordonpo

    21 Oct 2013 - 10:04 am

    Hello Mel, excited 4U. God can always use people like U to share His love to others. Your are truly amazing! Now, U R ready to help others. stay blessed.

  2. Krista

    21 Oct 2013 - 10:10 am

    He promised NEVER to leave us alone!! When we walk through depression, He walks with us!! Here is the part I like, Numbers 23:19 KJV
    [19] God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it ? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good?
    Matthew 5:18 KJV
    [18] For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.
    AMEN AND, IT IS SO!

  3. Britney

    21 Oct 2013 - 10:29 am

    “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and your staff they comfort me.”-Psalm 23:4

    Melanie,
    Keep going! I know that you’re coming out of this better, stronger, and wiser. Thankful that even when we get down to these valleys, that God promised that He would never leave us nor forsake us! I’m even more thankful that the Blood flows down and meets us while we’re there. Your testimony just shows us that His Blood still works and He’s more than able to heal, restore, and sustain us!

  4. Mia

    21 Oct 2013 - 11:38 am

    I’m glad to see this post, sis! Been looking forward to you getting back on here. When I came to see you in September, I could see the cloud over you….the heaviness….trying to overtake you. We’ve talked lots about this, so I know you know I get you. But I knew that if I knew you, I knew that you were going to come out of it…and very soon.

    I think it’s so honest and so admirable for you to post about this topic, depression, which is often such a taboo subject– especially among our community and culture (black folk, lol). And I agree– it does appear to be part chemical and part spiritual (actually, I think A LOT spiritual – i.e., SPIRIT of despair). We all know you can’t fight spirit with flesh, so you reaching for your bible and going to town on those scriptures was exactly the thing needed to snuff out the depression! I want to encourage you to continue to do that….the Word is sharper than a two-edged sword– let it fight for you when you don’t have the words (and even when you do).

    I leave you with this…..and excerpt from Isaiah 61. It has gotten me through a many of things (I may have already texted this to you)!!
    Isaiah 61:1-3
    The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
    He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]
    2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
    to comfort all who mourn,
    3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
    to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
    the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
    and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
    They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor.

    LOVE YOU,
    Mia

  5. Lady Sue Thomas

    21 Oct 2013 - 2:08 pm

    I know the plans that I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you plans never to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future these are the plans that I have for you.
    Mel what a blessing it is to see you back and posting. God is a prayer answering God, He’s FAITHFUL! You are VICTORIOUS, you are MORE THAN A CONQUERER through Christ Jesus who strengthens you.
    The fervent effectual prayers of the righteous availeth much,Hallelujah !
    Blessed is the man who puts his trust in the Lord. Mel you are soooo blessed.
    We (Pastor Ric and I ) love you so much, we continue to lift you in prayer and fasting and Praising God for your complete healing.

  6. K.B.

    21 Oct 2013 - 2:47 pm

    Mel, when I first heard that you were feeling down and wasn’t your normal upbeat self anymore, I began to feel very sad and started praying. However I knew God would bring you out, just as he brought me out years ago. Your honesty and transparency on this topic is to be commended, and like Mia said, our culture doesn’t want to talk about things like this but this happens to the best of us and we need to be able to relate to others and know that we’re not alone. You’re doing all of the right things (reading your word, praying, joining a support group) which shows that you are determined to get through this whole situation no matter what obstacles the enemy tries to put in your way!! I admire your strength and your tenacity and your bravery throughout this whole process!! I know for a fact that if it were me, I would NOT be holding up as well as you are!! I know I’ve said this before, but you are TRULY an inspiration to us all and I’m just in awe of how you’re handling everything. To God be the Glory!! Love you boo!! 🙂

    ~Kristie~

  7. Wendi

    21 Oct 2013 - 3:06 pm

    Good afternoon that Romans 8:18 is a powerful Scripture. It helped me too while I was going through in my low days. I have RA Rheumatoid Arthritis. It can be a debilitating disease. The days and nights that I would hurt it made me depress. And like u Mel I had never been one to be depressed. But when I read that it gave me hope. I knew it wouldn’t last always. I’m doing ok. I still have good and bad days but I choose to press. 1Peter 5:10 helps me too. But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you. Continue to be encourage that God Got it. I will continue to lift u up in prayer. Take care.

  8. Jessica R

    21 Oct 2013 - 4:03 pm

    You will get through this chic! Your current circumstances may make you feel weak and damaged but you are stronger and more beautiful than ever! A year from now, you will be better than your best was before, which may be hard to imagine since you were already the best of the best! I can’t wait to see you soon, so start thinking about other “field trip” spots you want to go! Keep smiling =) it brightens up others’ days to see you smile like you always do!

  9. Chavonne

    21 Oct 2013 - 8:23 pm

    Strong word! Encouraged by your blog and Team Taylor is standing with you.

  10. Kim

    21 Oct 2013 - 8:24 pm

    I thank GOD for the privilege of knowing you and being led to this website. This is a clear example of your life being a living, breathing, moving, testimony read among men/ women. You are encouraging the world with your testimony and through your transparency, lives are being changed, encouraged… hope is being restored and The Word of GOD that does not return void is going out, from heart to heart and breast to breast. I pray your strength and I look forward to the seminars, books, and conferences held by you/ your foundation that shall bless the nations!
    Mel, stay strong in the LORD, in the power of His Might… All Things Are Possible for You!!!

    Love Kimberly, One Way

  11. Janice Ballard

    22 Oct 2013 - 3:35 pm

    To God be the Glory for ALL He has done. God is doing a great work in you Melanie. God is still working it out. Love you♥

  12. Mary S.

    23 Oct 2013 - 12:22 pm

    Hey Melanie!

    Keep pressing on! Keep holding on!! I believe and have faith with you..God will give you complete victory!!! I feel a quickening in my spirit when I think on the vast healing power of the almighty God he IS a healer and the world doesn’t believe it, but we the righteous who have been washed in the blood of the lamb know the he that will come shall come…and will not tarry! God continue to bless you keep looking up! We are all yet praying and believing!!

  13. Cynthia Glenn

    24 Oct 2013 - 10:26 am

    Hi Mel,

    Although I don’t know you personally, I have been following your posts and my favorite scripture that helps me through the “rough” times (fibromyalgia) is Rom. 12:2 – “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” I have been truly blessed by your testimony and the comments of your friends; they have helped me today! Melanie, God is doing a great work in you, through you, and for you – all for His glory and praise which you are giving Him by sharing what you have gone through and how God is bringing you out! Love you, Cynthia

  14. Mika

    27 Oct 2013 - 1:38 am

    I’m also one who doesn’t know you personally but know of your family. My dad and your dad used to sing together back in the day..anyway I do believe in the power of prayer and that God is still a healer and in the miracle business. I love Psalms 121:1 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help..2 My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth..May God keep you, strengthen you and make you whole. God Bless!

  15. Lorene Jones

    19 Nov 2013 - 8:32 pm

    Praise the Lord Melanie, I thank God for your healing. He is worthy of all praise. God bless

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